My Philosophy: December 2013

Its midnight now and im just back from a pre x'mas party with my photography buddies.
On this quiet night, i just felt blessed.

Blessed not only because that im surrounded with friends but because that i'm able and determine to enjoy every single moment towards the end of the year.

I had a great start this year, my first Europe trip..an advancement in my career, met lots of friends and experience love...everything seems to be so smooth that even i doubted that it was just too good to be true!
Well people often say that a head start doesn't mean anything unless you can finish the run and so, God decided to show me what was the extreme opposite of not being able to complete the run...
The courtship went haywired, my team had a re org and there was responsibility change, i was out of my comfort zone, my holidays plan was ruined, i cancelled my trip...
Life was not so good and if you ask me, i think its a miracle that i managed to walk out of these negativity.

I could in fact behave like what usual people do, cry over spilled milk, get angry at the unfairness of life, hide in the dark little corner and seek everyone's sympathy.
I had every single reason to do that..i can choose to feel like a victim.

Well, but i chose not to..im afterall a rational person and i know that i cant live in such a manner. I hate the choking feeling and decided to change an approach in seeing things.

Compared to some, It wasn't too difficult for me as i am born naturally an optimist ...while friends also played a comfort and support role in difficult times, i felt that it still boils down to individual to handle the situation. For me, i chose to think from another angle, another perspective...i chose to think that these were positive, these were an experience.
I love this quote alot,
"If you have to continue to live in difficult times, why not choose to be more positive than negative?"

I came to understand that nothing would change given that i had no control in decisions that weren't made by me. Crying, suffering over these are just too pathetic. I realised that there is balance in this world and i too had control of things, i can make decisions too.
Just like voting in an election, i can't decide who can be a candidate to run for the election, but i can choose who to vote for. Being in a state of denial and sadness is as good as giving up the option to vote.(nothing will change).

So i decided to exercise my voting rights, i decided to take control of things that i can control and change.
The first thing was to change my mindset and accept whatever happened.
I need to think that things happened for a reason and even if things doesn't move in the way you expect, it isn't all bad. Did you ever feel so miserable to lose a great deal in a sale but to only realised that its a blessing in disguise when the person who bought it discover some flaws in the product?
So losing it, doesn't mean that its bad..its really how you think.

The second thing is to understand that i too had controls over things. I can't change what has happened, i cant control what others think and behave but i can choose how to continue to move in the direction that my life should. To me, every life experience counts and to be able to learn from it, is better than to deny what has happened. I can choose to think that I'm silly, i can choose to be angry, i can choose to feel sad...
or
I can choose to be happy that i got out of something that could possibly be even worse in the future, I can choose to be wiser and improve my life thru each experience learnings, I can choose to treasure and love myself more thru these ordeals, I can even think that i am blessed that only thru such experience, did i met some of the greatest friends and how great is family's love and support that i can probably never experience if i didn't went thru these.
It is these people that i should treasure and focus more on...

So choosing how to control your thinking, how to treat yourself is also a part of the decisions that would affect your life. Once you acknowledge that you have this control in life, things get better! You will realised that you gained more than losing more.

The third thing was to never lose faith and never lose yourself.
I heard preacher Joseph john mentioned about the "wait" in the church, everyone is waiting for something in life and sometimes it just take forever to come but if it will....
While waiting, some might lose its faith, some might even lose the hope, and some might even lose themselves by discarding their beliefs. I have a friend who was once so decent, so upright but right after a failure converted to drinking, etc and these caused him a lot more than what he has lost initially.
He was too enraged to realised that a small failure isn't worth these much. He lost himself and didn't get anything out of it.
I feel that you can lose almost anything in life, but never your self worth and self esteem. No one can look down on you unless you decided to first. With these, comes confident...and you know that its a natural charm when you have them :)

The last thing that i learned was to never expect but to accept.
Serenity comes when you trade expectations for acceptance. It's okay to admit that you are disappointed and angry. You just need to accept it in order to start healing..
When i was young, i have a lot of expectations of others and myself, I always expect people around us to give us things on special occasions, especially people that matters to you. And so, I spend days waiting and hoping but when it never came, you get totally upset about it.
With greater expectations, comes greater disappointment...
I decided to change thiswhen i started working...i realised that instead of waiting, i can choose to buy the things i love by earning for it. I still own the same things that i like except without the possibility of disappointment.
When you have gone thru these, you realised that sometimes the feeling to give is better than to accept.
I guess we all experienced before let downs where people forget about appointments and you deliberately sit at home and wait for the time to come before you confront the person and get all angry and upset over it. You could have possibly just go out and do more meaningful things or schedule other appointments....

I realised that as time passed, we are no longer young, and we can no longer live our life the same way that we used to be. We need to grow up in our mentality, we need to be more mature in our thinking and we cannot afford to make wasted decisions in our life. When its time to move away from situations, we need to take that decision and act on it.

Always believe that life gets better even when in the darkest moment in life and trust me, there are a lot of people out there that is suffering and living in a much worse condition that you can imagine...and they have never give up their life for it and constantly trying to improve.
In comparison, we are just so pathetic if we are comfortably wasting our time each day on tiny things that troubled us. It makes me start thinking if we are living just too fortunate to frown over things like this...especially if its not going to change anything but just to remain sad.

I came across an article today on tinybuddha where the writer share about her thoughts on "Giving to others, is also giving to ourselves".
It inspired me a lot, and my intepretation of giving is intangilble. It can be in a form of lending support or showing concern...be nice to someone without expecting anything...

I share my experience here too. Recently, i was asked to help take pics for a couple...complete stranger to me, where the husband is diagnosed with some critical illness...and the wife would very much keep some memories while he is still healthy...and so i immediately agreed to do it.
Of course as a human, i have to admit that i had my own grumbles too...
But when i received a msg from the wife today that she appreciates the pictures and it meant alot to her...i felt that its worth every single effort that i spend. Something as simple as taking pictures...can be as meaningful as well...and i feel happy about it!

Have you started giving? I guess this Xmas is a good opportunity to start learning to give!